a myriad of thoughts

29 December 2008

countdown to new year's eve (A.D) and i'm currently renewing my resolutions for the year. as expected, nothing came out from my completely-blank-but-still-processing brain. i had gone through a lot this year and i think i had only aged a year to regret the wasted precious youth on something worthless and acquired only considerably miniscule amount of thinking. i scorn the idea of hating myself but now i could not help myself but unleash a great sense of regret. especially after i met a lot of friends who happens to be more enterprising and productive in multiple ways.

unfortunately, i let myself loitering around these magnificent creatures and didn't even make any proactive actions reciprocating from their good qualities. why? why can't bring myself to start working on something. i am not special at all. i can't write stories, i can't sing, i can't remember anything in less than 2 days of constant pressure and worst of all i can't contain my anger. YES. Anger management is the worse of all the unsettled turbulence of emotions in me. quite a few of my friends advised me on it nevertheless, no actions taken, my anger become somewhat like an uncontrolled pet monster on the loose, running amok through my veins. i knew this all along because if there's one thing that i am proud of, i'm proud of my great power of self-realization. however, even if you had a great sense of self-realization paired up with slothfulness, you'll end up doing absolutely nothing.

it does give me a stampede.

the resolutions of the year should be...--> act your thoughts!!!

i will be extra careful on what i think and i will be even more careful to determine the course of actions as the result of my great thinking.

now, now.. this reminds me of something. last year, when i was in Form 5, i remembered Madam Ramlah asking the class about what we did during the holiday and as usual there was a deafening silence (obviously, everyone was 180degrees on their comforters)... and she guessed right, most of us sleep a lot. but one guy came up and said, he did a lot of thinking. Madam Ramlah praised him a bit and continued our english lesson and then she asked whether everyone had done their homework or not... everyone did except the boy who did a lot of thinking. when asked, he said, "i was thinking about how to get the correct answers, that's why i haven't finnished it".

i hope i'll remember this always..

p/s: i'm going back to Kedah 1 January 2009