Sunday, June 28, 2009


i think somehow in the beginning of the year 2009, i've lost my ability to actually present something in front of a crowd. this agonizing reality had really given me the shock of my life. i mean, come on. this can't be happening to me. anyway, i'mm just have to rebuild it all over again. it's okay. down with that.

whaddup? my third sem in TESL course started out with an intense speech from our dearest coordinator, Puan Noreha (my favourite lecturer). with 4 projects awaiting to be fulfilled like a quest, we, the ones who would undergo the journey of pain and sufferings need to prepare a few remedies in case they might breakdown from over pressure or hypertension. i won't. i know i won't. i always take things too easily but of course i got a hard lesson from tht, but still, i know how to control pressure when it reaches the capillaries in mynecks, in would still be under control. lest it comes to the finishing point, my voice will also hit the highest pitch with a very angry tone. ha-ha.

i haven't eat rice since last wednesday. just doesn't feel the urge to fill in my bloating stomach wih high-carb. instead, i found comfort from mr.potato and chipsmore. how's tht for irony. hahaha. i need to discipline myself. this is too much. in case of severe high blood pressure, i'll blame it on those mouth-watering, crispy mr. potato. urgh, the sight of it makes me melt into a puddle of desperate fat processor. what's that suppose to mean.. haha.. nvm la..

anyway, need to do a lot of things. i know i;ve been saying that a lot but yeah! i'll just keep saying it till i did it. hahaa

Saturday, March 21, 2009

something i want to immortalize


Maybe the stars are just too rusty
and their hollow body exceedingly empty
but they're the night tree's flowers
living and decorating the hours

Maybe the clouds aren't always pretty.
Sometimes too grey, too dry and too baggy.
But they're the sky's favourite gum;
blowing and chewing it's glum

Maybe the grasses are just too long
and their fingers sticking out all so wrong
but like a child wanting it's mother's arms;
still soft under the wind's touches and charms.

Maybe I am too hopeful or forceful
My heart is void of love and it's foul.
But there still exist a flicker of warm song
ever singing in dreams all night long


hey boy, your clothes are mine too..

this was my reflection for my LDV. i had just done it today and the due is tomorrow..

In an authentic article I had initially reread, I purposely chose this article since it coincide under the same topic ‘Gender and Society’ in ‘Social Studies’ which talks about gender difference. Understandably, the history of “pantsuit revolution” goes back to post-World War 1. During the time when men had to go to war, women are left to cover the working grounds that were usually dominated by the male workers. Thus, being practical-minded women, they had resolved to wear men’s garment since it aided the nature of the work and are absolutely more comfortable to wear compare to skirts. Obviously, this improvement brought some resistance force but they were the minorities that wanted to retain their good, modest culture. This is mainly because there are no other alternatives able to replace pants or overalls.

The article had been supportive towards the occurrence and steady revolution of women in wearing men’s apparel. I understand that what had been the reasons women where men’s clothes in the past and the basis on why women wear men’s apparel now had differ slightly. In the past, women wear pants for its practicality. However, women nowadays had added up a few more reasons to wear it such as to look sexy and professional and many other personal motives. I wear pants because they are decent and safe especially when and where many movements are concern. Despite the fact that pants is generally found in men’s wardrobe, and the simple word resonates masculinity, designers had manage to make pants look good on women by applying laces in a few places, colour them in pink or any girlish colour and change them into a softer material such as satin. This make-over had put pants in a new category: unisex.

Does men’s garb that women wear help in paving the way of deterioration to femininity? This question lay at the very foundation of the article. In my opinion, it did not. This is especially because of what the designers had done to alter the essence of masculinity in men’s attire for the benefit of women worldwide. Besides that, the reason that made up the entire article is for being practical, decent, professional and sexy had already show femininity of a gender.

Femininity and masculinity is either defined by the bodily appearance or the garments that covers our body. To distinguish two different genders, one may look at his or her attire. However, not all that wear skirts are women and vice versa. This may due to the culture of the society or the fact that there is a category known as transgender. Though, transgender or not, men or women, everyone enjoys the piece of clothe which is called pants. I could not help but to reduce the definition of “men’s wardrobe” or “women’s wardrobe” to just “wardrobe” since cross-dressing process is very much in process everyday.

In conclusion, pants and other arrays of garments are now not strictly constricted to categories of styles that suits only men or only women. Pants were initially in men’s wardrobe and the fact that they are now worn by women too does not make women lose their femininity. It is just a matter of transferring pants into a more general mode where they can be accepted by both male and female. Thus, the question why women wear pants should be as close to why men wear pants. The answer is: Practicality.

Friday, February 6, 2009

sorrow in my fart...

indeed life is just as fair as it could be. i am not implying on the financial burden that keeps pressuring my head into the boulders of my shoulders, figuratively. in spite of the fact that my allowance merely cover as much as books fee, i'm grateful that i could spare tid-bits for my meagre meals (not completely meagre... just fishing out sympathies). at least i didn't suffer as much as my ikhwans in Palestine. those filthy israelites >:( Allah will punish them. i'm sure Allah Taala will give them the best of punishments and make them feel the evil of their deeds.
i am sorrowful pondering over their screams in hell afterward... sorrowful enough to shed some tears of joy for them there and then.

i had really intended on buying 3G broadband just now but i dawned to me that i don't have ENOUGH money yet. i need FAMA scholarship pretty soon if i buy that thing. Urgh!

i've been reading quite a few islamic books and i think they way Masqood elaborated everything is so enlightening. i love reading it and yes, when i read it i don't like any interruptions in the interim because, of course, when your concentration is disturbed, the percentage of your understanding will dramatically fall.

The Da Vinci Code is kind of good too but the writer's exposure of how pagan understanding of human nature becomes some sort of a religion and that it is more pure than the infamous christian strike me as ironic. and i don't like the writer stereotyping all religion as giving more benefit to men. anyway, the writer did put in a numerous impressive facts. that's why i just had to continue reading that book. though, by reading it, i think it shook a lot of good thoughts out of my mind. Even so, i think my dad should read it. Dad, read this book. it's great. i know you would like it.

my friend yana is a very thoughtful person. Thank YOU yana for letting me use your 3G even for 15 minutes...

Monday, January 26, 2009


i know human is not a perfect being but we are perfect in a sense that Allah had given us the greatest gift of all: intelligence. Thank God i had this. Thank God i'm a human and i can exercise this beautiful gift in every possible ways i could think of. anything that ever crossed anyone's mind is absolutely not barred by any resistance whatsoever that inhibits the so-called free to think ability. free to think equals to free-thinker to me. if we do not have a limit onto which we disallow ourselves from crossing over the Divine's border, we are overly-ambitious people.

it is completely understandable when it is said that we're suppose to live modestly; in everything that we do. that is very well-said.

human tend to be very conceited with themselves especially lately when i realize that human who are suppose to live in a developed country are very keen with their own beauties and perfect feature (i'm not jealous!). taking their own pictures. everywhere. anywhere. anytime. honestly, this has got to be one of the greatest sin that Allah had warned us about: takabbur. i appreciate anyone pointing their fingers back at me since i had my own pic here in this blog but at least i don't keep a thousand more in flickr or imageshack. why do you need to capture your youth in every minutes of your life. i could easily conclude that you're afraid of getting old. you wated to show how beautiful, cool and hot you were when you were young. now, that's pathetic. like a narcissist. obsessing with oneself is a very apalling activity. Eeeww..
just accept the fact that we'll grow old one day. being old has it's own advantages.

someone should really listen to Katy Perry-Ur so gay. since you're at it, watch the videoclip as well. very, very entertaining. ha-ha.

i am in a predicament and i'm having it rough since it's a battle within myself on why and how i should act and what are my purposes in this world. yes, talking about conceited, i am a pro in that. galvanizing it with the reason to boost self-confident. that's crap. it is a total bullshit. it's just about feeling at a higher standard among others which only put you lower to the ground. Alhamdulillah, i've reached the ground and realize where i'm wrong. hopefully i won't repeat this mistake ever, ever again.

till then, TTFN

Sunday, December 28, 2008

caught up in disguise

to be or not to be is actually a question.

you are about to enter the disturbing realm of pretenders where everyone have to be a hypocrite to ascertain what they are made up of. clearly, everyone are born with their unidentified aptitude and in order to find out we just have to use the experimental way: trial and error. however, if you are caught in your disguise, that'll be the end of your pretension. instead, when you've found out what you're really in for, that cover will become your skin. and you are what you are.

i'm not making this up to make anyone a paranoid fearing human contact. i'm merely stating the reality in a simple and cruel way. making a suggestion in an explosion of idea.

pretending is a skill to be obtained from numerous experience. anyone can pretend. sometimes you can't become what you dreamed of, to cure that painful heartache, you can just pretend. let say you wanted so much to become a really, really rich person who own chains of megamall all over the world, just pretend you are and act like it's the real deal. pathetic, yes. remedy, yes.


don't ever make it too obvious for the naked eyes to see. people will certainly and unsuspectedly think you're crazy. if i'm there, i'll say get a room at tanjung rambutan. pronto.

when you pretend and feel happy about it and really think that you are making money [always talking about money] (i have a big financial problem, ignore me), the opportunity will come your way one day and the money printed out for that day onwards might be printed out specially for you. yeah, you figured it out. this is what the book titled "the secret" says. i didn't read it but i watched a program talking about it. i think it's somehow true but i won't put my faith in it. i believe in hard work and sweat. if you want something bad enough, go for it. moping around growing fungi on your ass won't do you a thing. that's what i think. and from now on i'll go for it.

happiness equation
IT= money=rich=happiness

a myriad of thoughts

29 December 2008

countdown to new year's eve (A.D) and i'm currently renewing my resolutions for the year. as expected, nothing came out from my completely-blank-but-still-processing brain. i had gone through a lot this year and i think i had only aged a year to regret the wasted precious youth on something worthless and acquired only considerably miniscule amount of thinking. i scorn the idea of hating myself but now i could not help myself but unleash a great sense of regret. especially after i met a lot of friends who happens to be more enterprising and productive in multiple ways.

unfortunately, i let myself loitering around these magnificent creatures and didn't even make any proactive actions reciprocating from their good qualities. why? why can't bring myself to start working on something. i am not special at all. i can't write stories, i can't sing, i can't remember anything in less than 2 days of constant pressure and worst of all i can't contain my anger. YES. Anger management is the worse of all the unsettled turbulence of emotions in me. quite a few of my friends advised me on it nevertheless, no actions taken, my anger become somewhat like an uncontrolled pet monster on the loose, running amok through my veins. i knew this all along because if there's one thing that i am proud of, i'm proud of my great power of self-realization. however, even if you had a great sense of self-realization paired up with slothfulness, you'll end up doing absolutely nothing.

it does give me a stampede.

the resolutions of the year should be...--> act your thoughts!!!

i will be extra careful on what i think and i will be even more careful to determine the course of actions as the result of my great thinking.

now, now.. this reminds me of something. last year, when i was in Form 5, i remembered Madam Ramlah asking the class about what we did during the holiday and as usual there was a deafening silence (obviously, everyone was 180degrees on their comforters)... and she guessed right, most of us sleep a lot. but one guy came up and said, he did a lot of thinking. Madam Ramlah praised him a bit and continued our english lesson and then she asked whether everyone had done their homework or not... everyone did except the boy who did a lot of thinking. when asked, he said, "i was thinking about how to get the correct answers, that's why i haven't finnished it".

i hope i'll remember this always..

p/s: i'm going back to Kedah 1 January 2009